Updates

Hello blog.  It has been a while (2016, to be exact).

I often forget about this small little platform where I used to share all of my interests in makeup and beauty.  More recently I wrote a small post discussing how I cope with my anxiety.

To be honest, I look back at some of the things I have wrote and sort of laugh at how different my writing was then.  I like to think I have improved since 16-year-old me was on the keyboard, but I'm sure that another year down the line I'm going to look back at this exact post and do the same thing I'm doing now: laugh.

But I'm not going to entirely dedicate this post to how bad some of my past writing was.  I really just need an outlet to express some emotions I've been dealing with and haven't really shared with anyone else.  Not even my friends.

Lately I just haven't been feeling like myself.  I'm more sad than I was 2 years ago and some of that may be because I'm more stressed out than I was.  My anxiety has definitely gotten a lot better during this time, which is amazing.  I no longer go to sleep at night worrying about if I'm ever going to be able to fall asleep.  I don't have anymore routines that I have I have to follow down to the minute so I'm potentially able to fall asleep.  I can stay up past 7 p.m. doing homework and not have a complete panic attack and it's so amazing.

But even though this anxiety has gone away, I'm still not feeling normal.  I feel like I'm sad all the time.  I don't feel like going out with my friends as much anymore and would rather just sit at home and watch movies.  Whenever I do this though, I don't feel any better.  I always think that after cancelling plans I'm not that up for I would feel better but I don't.  I'm working on it though.  I was able to get past some of the worst anxiety I've ever had and I'm sure I'll be able to do this with depression too.

Before I continue on, I just want to clarify that I'm not writing this post for pity or because I'm an angsty teenager who is just emotional.  I'm writing this because I don't really have anywhere else I can say it.  I tell my doctor but outside of her I don't tell anyone, not even my friends.  I don't know why I don't open up to them about it because I feel like I would be so much happier if I gave them an explanation for bailing on plans and deciding to go home early for some BS reason.

I think that one day I will open up and tell them, but for now I'm just scared of what they will think and if they will take what I'm saying seriously.

Lately I've also been stressed out about what I want to do with my life.  For the longest time I've been interested in acting, theater, movies, etc. but I always tended to bury those interests because I just felt like they were for people more talented than myself.  So, I moved on from those dreams and settled in journalism.  I've been doing journalism for around 2 years now and it's a lot of fun and interests me a great deal, but I don't think that it's the career for me.

I'm 18 and I'm heading off to college.  Not to mention I'm going to college in a big city: Chicago.  This is something that sounds incredibly exciting and is something that a teenager should look forward to, but at this point I'm not.  I feel like I'm making the wrong decision.  I'm planning on majoring in communications and I'm already excepted into the communications school, but I don't think that that's what I want to do.  I think I want to act and do something in the theater department.

I know I have lots of time to do this and changing a major is no big deal, but right now all I can think about is how I've messed up my life and how I'll never be able to pursue this dream.

So many people want to be actors or actresses and there's just not enough room for everyone it seems like.  If any of you out there reading this are pursuing a career in acting, is it worth it?  It's a dream that I've always had, but I don't think that it's something that my family will ever support.  I'm not sure how I should tell my dad that I want to become an actor whenever he already thinks that a job in the communications field is a risky one.

If any of you have any advice on what to do, please let me know.

I'm sorry this post has been one long ramble.  I just had a lot of things on my mind and needed to share them with someone.

- Ava

An Anxiety Update

If you read my post "All About My Anxiety", you would know that I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder.  In autumn 2015, I went to see a doctor about it for the first time and I have to say I think that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  When I went for my first visit, we worked out that going on medication would be the best option for me because therapy made me uncomfortable at the time.  After being on medication for a while I really began to see significant changes. I was able to stay out past 6:30, I showered after 7, I was able to lay in my bed for an hour sitting on my phone, I didn't have to watch the same YouTube videos every night, I could take different routes to my classes in school, without having a panic attack.  I began to talk to people about it more and more, I even got to know one of my best friends through our insomnia experiences.

For those of you uncomfortable with both medication and therapy, here are some things that I did to calm my anxiety.

• Read a book
• Watch a movie or your favorite TV show
• Listen to music
• Go for a run, walk, or bike ride
• Wrap yourself in blankets and relax
• Take a hot bath or shower
• Snuggle a dog or cat
• Drawing or painting
• Writing in my journal

I hope this post is some help to those of you out there who also suffer with anxiety.

- Ava

Merle Normal Eyeshadow Collection

Over the years I've been using a brand called Merle Norman.  They make some amazing eyeshadows which I have been fortunate enough to collect.  So today I'm going to be showing you my collection of Merle Norman eyeshadows!

Golden Sage, shimmer

Brandy, matte

Grapevine, matte

Semi-Sweet, matte

Mink, matte

Ballerina, matte

Chamois, matte

Thanks for reading!
- Ava x

My Christmas Wish List

Hello everyone!  I apologize for not posting in quite a while, finals added a lot of unwanted stress to my life and I didn't have time to brainstorm and write any blogposts.  But now I'm back and today I'm going to be sharing my Christmas wish list with you, which is basically just a bunch of makeup.  Even though I'm already incredibly grateful for everything I have, I always am interested in seeing what people have on their Christmas list, so I thought you might be interested in seeing what's on mine.

- Naked 3 Palette:  This eyeshadow palette is incredibly beautiful and I've had my eye on it for a while.  I normally enjoy using pink-toned eyeshadow so I figured it was about time I attempted to make it apart of my makeup collection.

- link; http://www.sephora.com/naked3-P384099?skuId=1573336&om_mmc=ppc-GG&mkwid=s2fUDTGQ3&pcrid=50233217079&pdv=c&site=_search&country_switch=&lang=en&gclid=Cj0KEQiAwNmzBRCaw9uR3dGt950BEiQAnbK96wVpYBP0hEsgRxlapxeqfSP28UWjLlWRYK9MAUvSFAwaAsIu8P8HAQ

- NYX Liquid Suede Cream Lipstick in Tea and Cookies:  I've heard incredible things about this lipstick and I've been wanting to try it for a while.  I'm also always looking for some great nude lipsticks, so of course this was added to the list.

- link; http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productld=xlslmpprod12911001#

- NYX Wonder Stick in Light:  I really like good contouring and highlighting, but it's a shame a stink at both.  I've seen people do amazing contour with this product and I'm quite envious of it, so I added this product to my list.

-link; http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productld=xlslmpprod10671003

- NYX Illuminator in Ritualistic:  Like I said with the Wonder Stick, I really want to get better with highlight and contouring and like all the other products on my list, I've heard good reviews about this product.

- link; http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productld=xlslmpprod5050057

- Makeup Revolution Iconic 3 Redemption Eyeshadow Palette:  While scrolling through the Ulta website, I stumbled across this gem and it caught my eye.  It's quite similar to the Naked 3 palette and it's full of gorgeous pink-toned shimmery eyeshadows which as I mentioned earlier, is my favorite type of eyeshadows.

- link; http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productld=xlslmpprod12781049

- Makeup Revolution Ultra Blush & Contour Palette in Hot Spice:  I don't own too many blushes and while scrolling through the Ulta website, I thought it was amazing.  I haven't heard much about this palette but it's filled with some of my favorite colored blushes, so I put it on the list.

-link; http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productld=xlslmpprod12781035

I plan on posting either a blogpost, YouTube video, or both about what I got for Christmas, so keep your eyes open for one of those!

Thanks for reading,
- Ava

Maps / #OOTD

Shirt: Forever 21

Jeans: Old Navy

Shoes: Sperry

Jacket: Unknown (it was a present)

My (Small) Vinyl Collection

For those of you who don't know what a vinyl is, it's basically a record.  For those of you who don't know what a record is, it's an ancient item that was used in the 1900s to listen to music.  Crazy they didn't have MP3 players, right?

These past few months I've been purchasing records, even though I don't have a record player.  Now you might be thinking: what a waste of money, why buy something you can't use?  Well to me vinyls seem like a way to keep in touch with the past by still getting music from this era, if that makes sense.  I also really like the way vinyls look and sound when you play them on a turntable.  They also make me feel indie and cool.

Before I go any further on this post, I would like to point out that yes my collection is quite small, but I still wanted to make this post because even though I only have 2 records (yes, only 2) I still love them and would like to share them with you.  I also want to keep making posts like this as my collection grows because trust me, it will grow.

Taylor Swift, 1989

Well done Taylor for incredibly cute polaroids everywhere.

Halsey, Badlands

It's. Freaking. Pink. 

Thank you for reading

- Ava x

All About My Anxiety

Anxiety; a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

If you're a long time watcher of my small YouTube channel (TheLittleLifeOfAva), you might have watched a video I put out over the summer called "Lets Have a Chat."  In this video, I addressed where I'd been for the past month and why there had been a lack of videos, I also slightly addressed something that I don't discuss with many people which is my anxiety disorder.

My Story

I've struggled with anxiety for a long time but when I entered high school it got a lot worse.  First semester of my freshman year wasn't too bad, I'd mainly just get anxious over tests and quizzes, but second semester was the worst my anxiety had every been.  In January I began to get anxious over my sleeping which was awful.  I'd be up until the early hours of the morning, panicking because I believed my lack of sleep would affect my grades and Tylenol PM became my best friend.  Soon after my anxiety began, I became more OCD about stuff I was doing during my everyday routine.  If I didn't braid my hair every night I wouldn't be able to sleep, if I didn't listen to the same music in the shower I wouldn't be able to sleep, if I didn't put on the same lip balm everyday I wouldn't be able to sleep, etc.  This continued on for the rest of the school year and I never got help.  Instead I'd try as many home remedies as I could to sleep (like the 4-7-8 breathing method).  These methods would work for maybe a night or two but then I was back to very little sleep each night.  Finally when summer came, I was given a break from my anxiety.  No school meant no worries for me.  When this school year started in August my anxiety returned but it wasn't as bad as it once was.  I finally got some help about my anxiety this month.  I went to a lovely doctor who asked me a few questions about my life, my disorder, and how it was affecting my everyday routine.  We then worked out a plan that was best for me and I've seen an incredible improvement in anxiety these past few weeks.  I can finally sleep at a reasonable time and I don't have to do all the steps I used to to be able to sleep.

If you're suffering with a mental disorder, please talk to someone about it.  When I finally opened up to my friends and family about my anxiety disorder I began to feel so much better.  Mental disorders aren't something you should feel like you have to hide, open up the discussion so everyone understands that mental disorders are real disorders.

Things I Do To Calm My Anxiety

1. Reading
2. Watching The Office - it's my favorite TV show, what can I say
3. Drawing
4. Photography
5. Hot baths or showers
6. Watching YouTube videos

I hope this post has helped you if you're suffering from a mental disorder or know someone who is.

Thank you for reading,

Ava x